I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
