That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
