I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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