addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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