it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He passed out mid-signature
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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