dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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