We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am one with the molecules
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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