Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
