I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm at about main and main street
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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