At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
