No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
