Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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