dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
...so i touched it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
