just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
