Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
