At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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