after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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