I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize