im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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