there's paper in my vomit.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
