I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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