I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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