Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
