Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize