Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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