no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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