am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
BRING THE BAGELS
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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