I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
NoShamevember. You game?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
