I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
