My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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