Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
