My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
