I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
