In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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