She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Found the puke drawer
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
