She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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