I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
