I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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