woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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