The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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