"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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