i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
