Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
