I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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