eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
