11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Farmville is her only friend.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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