Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
