Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
