The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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