If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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