I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize