I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
