They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
