Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
