when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
