just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
