covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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