yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
