____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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