saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
