I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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