i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
