Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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