I didn't shave. On purpose
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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