you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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