i just made my gag reflex go away.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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