my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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