check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My vagina is very pro this idea
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