he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
