so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
