No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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