some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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