I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
