Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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