They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
