That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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